Dr. Lisa Adventure Blog!

Someone buy me a large dress. Like a nice one that is short and goes maybe a little above the knee. And it fluffs out very large around the waist. And I would like it to be green. Please do this, and I will give you many kisses.

You would like to have kisses from me, as they are nice, and smell often of chocolate, or other sweet things and this is not because I am fat and eat things. I just have magic kisses and they happen to smell nice and not at all like spit which is what other peoples’ kisses smell like.

And also my lips are not chapped, as I apply copius ammounts of chapstick, and this has nothing to do with my kisses smelling so good. They just are. And chapped lips are never good, and everyone else in the world has chapped lips but not me because my lips are of silk, or whatever fabric you prefer, so you would like to kiss me thus you should by me a fluffy green dress.

But not fluffy like kittens. That would be ugly. Make sure there is no fur on the dress. Make sure it is of some regular fabric and make sure the green is not gross. Either it should be dark emeraldy colored or pale vintagy.

Infact, you could buy me two green dresses and then I would give you double the kisses. And that is a lot of kisses my friend. It would be worth it because when I kiss you, you could say “That girl has enough chapstick on her magic lips to pay for these dresses” But make sure the dresses don’t look exactly the same because I can’t have people saying “THAT GIRL HAS TWO DRESSES THAT ARE DIFFERENT COLORS AND NOW WE CAN’T TALK TO HER EVEN THOUGH HER LIPS ARE WONDERFULLY SOFT AND GOOD SMELLING!” I like my friends to stay friends with me.

I wont be kissing you anywhere other than the face, also. Maybe on the mouth but that is if the dresses are extra special and you will not buy them unless you receive mouth kissing. And then it will be just pecks. The ammount of kisses you receive shall be decided on how nice the green dresses are.

I’ve now decided that you will receive no kisses if you buy me just one dress, but I will give you a very nice hug. And I am very good at hugs my friend and you do not want to pass up on that deal. Free hug thrown in with two dresses. I will hug and kiss you at the same time, and that’s what all the song writers write about I’m pretty sure.

Please help me I am so sad and bored.

Yesterday, I went with my family to see Captain America, which was an over all decent film. There were lots of things exploding, and cool forties clothing attire, and at one point, a guy fell into an airplane propeller and burst into a gleaming spray of bloody bits. That was a shocker, dear friends, as most movies just leave the effects of falling into an airplane propeller up to you imagination.

This is excellent material for a child’s film.

Anyway, my mother blames herself because she allowed my stepdad to pick the seats, and -out of an almost completely empty theater - he picks the only seats next to and infront of someone.

At first it wasn’t so bad. We just sat and listened to that horrible music, and watched those little questionaire things answer themselves. -They really ought to change those out, it’s been the same questions for at least ten years now - when, from behind us, comes a sound that no living creature ever wants to hear in their life.

It’s this man breathing.

But not like ordinary breathing. It’s the sort of breathing you hear in those scary movies when someone unpleasant rings the phone of some lonely housewife, or frightened highschool cheerleader, and there’s no talking on the other end, just that same breath, over and over again. The breath that is, undoubtedly, a foreshadow of death.

“Hooooooooooooo”

And I thought “I am going to die.”

It’s not just a one time thing, either. He just keeps doing it, and I don’t want to look around, because I’m sure he will stab me in the face as soon as I do. By the fourth time, I am holding back waves of hysterical laughter - probably similar to the laughter one undergoes when being tickled, which is not really laughter, but a panic reaction (btw, if you click the words “panic reaction” you will see that I am not lying)-  and my mom looks around despite my giggling protests to find that it is really an oldish man, who looks somewhat like her father, breathing on his glasses to clean them.

I think maybe he does kill highschool girls on the weekend, and he just accidentally lapsed into his serial killer breath mode.

Eventually, he decides his glasses are cleaned to satisfaction, and he stops his horrible death rattle, and the film begins. Not long into the first few scenes, he emits another terrible sound, but this one is the phleghmy-ist cough I have ever heard. Seriously, someone ring the ambulance, this man’s lung just came loose.  He does this periodically for the rest of the film, and I am afraid he is going to cough up a vital organ on the back of my head if he is not careful.

It is important to tell you now that yesterday was my Aunt’s birthday. In the middle of the film, my mom thinks “I don’t know when this flim will be over, so I should text my sister and tell her happy birthday before it’s too late”. I admit this was silly, but this is just how the women in my family opperate. She pulls out her cellphone, and does not conceal it in her purse, but instead holds it a chest level and begins her text. I would like to point out that my mother does not like texting, and is bad at it, so what should have taken a few seconds to type, takes her all of two minutes. -I love you mom-

During this two minutes, the man behind us becomes frustrated that the only chance he gets to look at a man bare chested without feeling guilty about it is being interrupted. He starts mumbling obscentities, which puts my protective instinct all in a tizzy. I start puffing up and getting all angry, and all those wonderful things, and not long after, he and his horrible wife start kicking the back of my mom’s chair. Like six year olds. Instead of being civilized and politely asking her to hide her phone, they resort to kicking the back of her chair. Gotta love them good ol’ boys.

Finally, he musters up enough courage to speak to a real live woman and rattles “Sc-ewwz me, that’s raht in mah eye” -Which it wasn’t, by the way, we were down and to the right of him - I begin to feel bad for making fun of this man’s cough earlier, because it’s clear by his voice that his vocal chords have been replaced by marbles. Probably an at home surgery. My mom doesn’t even grace him with eye contact and simply says “Yeah, I’m almost done. Thanks.” He relaxes, and they cease with the primitive seat kicking.

Five minutes later, his cell phone rings. 

Hmm.  

I like to talk so much. I like to talk about all sorts of things. I thought, one day, “I ought to get a blog, because I like to talk so much”. So I began this new tumblr for mostly talking, and not so much reblogging. Now I can talk and talk and talk and fill up your dashboards and oh it will be just so lovely. I will tell you all kinds of stories.

Okay bye!